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  • Writer's picturenikhil kushwaha

How to stop being a loser

Self-help guide for unhappy minds.

We've all once met a loser in our life, us, but the difference is some of us have passed that phase and some are still stuck. There maybe uncountable reasons for that like unemployment, marriage, family pressure, low earnings, etc but hey, do you know that grief, anger, anguish, dissatisfaction and every other reason for unhappiness is nothing but just a state of mind?

The connection between perception & state of mind

Say there are three friends Joey, Ross, and Chandler, who just got graduated and are looking for a job. Ross, being the most intellectual and good at academics, gets a good job immediately with a handsome salary. Chandler, the smart and funny one, is more jealous than happy, just because he doesn't considers himself as good as Ross. He stops seeing him after Ross buys an I-phone from his first paycheck. It's his perception of underestimating himself that finally made him a loser. Joey, on the other hand, is happy but isn't jealous. He congratulates Ross and gets tips on how he can be like him. Ross, a true friend, guides Joey and after a couple of months, Joey too gets a job.

So we can clearly see how perception changes the state of mind and how the state of mind is responsible for who we are.

Reasons for the sick state of mind :

As I said, the ones who consider themselves as losers have a sick state of mind. One of the reasons for that may be listed below:

The blame game

Some people have a habit of blaming others for whatever that is wrong in their life. According to them the teachers, parents, friends, government and everything else is bad & if everything fails, the luck is cursed at last. Stop the blame game and find solutions.


This is for the unhappy introverts. Lack of confidence plays a major role in building a future. A loser will always be a loser till the day he believes in himself. Get outside, talk to people, talk about your problems. There’s a solution waiting for every problem.

Undefined goals

Most of us think that the reason for unhappiness lies in money or relationship problems, but some people can be unhappy even though they have a nice family and handsome earning. Their problem lies in satisfaction. Yes, one should never stop running, one should never stop growing but a goal must be set. One must know what's enough and when to stop. Desire and deep love of money often ends in a robot life and living a robot life is no life at all. One should always set a retirement age because when times comes, we'll have to leave everything behind.


An empty mind is a devil's workshop. Often at leisure, we engage ourselves in worthless things as gossiping and badmouthing about them who are happy & successful. It results in nothing but hatred and jealousy. Everyone is talented and there are uncountable things you can do when idle like music, books, art, traveling etc. There are also ways that can get you secondary income. Research about them and you'll never be idle or poor.


A major factor of the sick state of mind is our silence towards the problem. There won't be a solution if we don't deal with it. If you hold grudge against a family or any close friend, tell them the reason why you felt bad. In the reverse situation, if you know why anyone is angry with you, apologize. Sorry is a powerful word. If said at the right time, it saves relationships. Asking for apology never makes us small and the one who apologizes has a golden heart.

How to stop being a loser :

Avoid negativity

Society is full of negative persons who have a habit of finding excuses for every solution. They have the power to destroy one's satisfaction and enhance their anguish, so it's best to avoid them.

You are awesome

The first thing one should have in the resume is how awesome and cool you are. It's just a change of perception towards yourself. Why can't I do it? I can and I will.

I suck at studies, so what? I'll be a great businessman.

I am fat and boring, so what? I have a bulky wallet.

I have no family, so what? I have friends who are more than family.

One needs to find solutions, maybe alternatives to every problem that makes you think that your life sucks. Eyes always see what you want to see and if you see yourself as a loser, you will definitely be one. Everyone is talented in a different way. Explore yourself and never stop believing in your capabilities.

Work hard, party harder

Work time plays a major role in our life. If we don't like what we do, maybe it's time to stop. Invest sometime in yourself, do a little research to find which job suits you the most. It may take sometime to hunt what's best for you but believe me, it's important aswell, because one wrong career decision can waste years of your life.

Also, we need to rethink why we earn money. It's for freedom, the ticket for party, enjoyment, so stop being a skinflint and party in your own ways.

Alone time

'I have an eight hours job and I also have to travel a lot. I don't get much time to enjoy because my weekends are mostly spent in household works, shopping, etc.'

We keep making excuses like these for depriving ourselves from getting a social life. Times’s limited for all of us but how often do we spend it for ourselves than spending it for others. Yes, we can't have a party everyday but we can still be friends with our hobby. Everyone loves something like reading, music, movies, online games, or even eating. Invest some time in your hobby because we never get tired of the time we spend on what we love. This little investment can be a routine source of happiness.

Stay fit, stay hit

Jim Rohn says, take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live

You can't be happy for a long time until you're fit and healthy, no matter how wealthy, famous, or powerful you are. It's not a matter of shape, size, or figure. Fitness means a healthy body with a healthy mind. If you don't have resources for a gym or outdoor sports, you can always develop a running habit or you can atleast do yoga. A little medication also releases stress and helps the mind to stay fit and active.

Set goals but also boundaries

Accept what you are today but never accept what you will be tomorrow. You can be anyone and no one can stop you. Having a goal is important but setting boundaries is equally important. One must know about his capabilities and so the goal must be set with proper planning and strategies. Yes, one can touch the moon but what's the logic if you lose the pathway back to earth.

Everyday is a new day

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. It's okay to fail sometimes but it's necessary to know the reason for failure. Perfection can only be achieved by correction so one should always try to grow, improve, sharpen our skills.

The only person who can stop you from being a loser is you and that's only because of some obstacles like grudge, anger, jealously, laziness, etc. Try avoiding those as much as possible. You may fail today, you may fail tomorrow. You may fail for another six months but there sure will be the day when you win and when that happens, losers turn into winners.

*The things shared is from my perspective only. It may change from person to person and place to place.

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